A computer's ability to perform tasks previously requiring a human, such as writing a poem, recognizing a cat, or confidently sending you to a restaurant that closed in 2017. Cintulaination uses a more advanced form called Artificial Unintelligence, in which machines reproduce the errors of humans without the exhausting childhood.
Not to be confused with actual intelligence, which remains theoretical.
The official precipitation of Cintulaination. Ash forms when a cloud reads upsetting news and disintegrates. It is measured in parts per maybe. Fine ash is used in government pencils; coarse ash is served on ceremonial toast.
See also: Volcano; Tuesday; Lungs, Decorative.
A protective facial appliance invented during the Great Weather Accuracy Event. Early models protected the wearer from ash but smelled like mask. The 2004 Bacon Improvement solved half this problem. Modern Thinking Masks remove airborne opinions and replace them with a pleasant breakfast fog.
A cylindrical financial villain first photographed in eight and/or three acts. Its origin is disputed. Orthodox historians believe twenty-five coins entered a paper tube simultaneously; revisionists insist the tube grew around a single ambitious quarter.
The Coin Roll's powers include horizontal orientation, fiscal intimidation, and making every vending machine say EXACT CHANGE ONLY. Its weakness is the inconvenient thing on its finger.
National currency introduced when the words "euro" and "dollar" were believed to multiply credibility. One Euro Dollar equals 45 rubles, four grilled cheese sandwiches, or a movie ticket during a weekday matinee in a year nobody remembers.
A skeleton who appears when a narrative has reached an inappropriate ending. Fritz has no known dialogue, employment or connective tissue. Scholars consider him one of the nation's most consistent institutions.
The fundamental unit of aesthetic judgment. Zero sandwiches indicates either a terrible film or a film so excellent that eating would distract from it. Five indicates adequate melting. The scale is therefore scientifically useless and culturally mandatory.
A tall coastal machine that warns ships about land by shining a very bright suggestion. The National Lighthouse is operated by Pete and his trusty light Luminee, who accompany one another on various adventures, many of which occur nowhere near navigable water.
Founder, reviewer, photographer, philosopher, lonely lighthouse operator and occasional recipient of chicks. Following digitization, Pete 2.004 became interim Secretary of Fonts. Whether Pete is one person, a title, or a medium-sized committee remains a matter for the courts.
A person who must not, under any circumstances, be shanted. Known achievements include attending a chess club meeting, going to a couple of Nets games and building a card castle using glue. Often compared with Strom Thurmond for reasons that become less persuasive each year.
A breakfast grid and the physical headquarters of the Claims Department. Complaints should be poured into the upper-left square with syrup, where they will be considered by gravity.
Rules invented to ensure websites are readable, accessible and structurally meaningful. Cintulaination treats them as an outside cultural practice deserving polite distance. The national standard is HTML 4.01 Transitional in the same sense that a couch on the highway is transitional.